Hi readers! I dunno, I think I'll blog more often from now on. These days just feel so lonely and gloomy. I don't know who I can talk to. The one that will listen to my countless rants, hopes, and dreams that will actually care. I guess I'm back to pouring my feelings out through typing.

I think my life is slowly turning into a dark pit of depression. Everyone is hoping for the best of me. And I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. There's just so much to do and so little time. I hope that all of these will make me stronger and will force me to show the best ability I have.

Sometimes my life feels so numb. I feel so lonely, despite having so many people around me. I feel like everyone is moving along with their life, and I'm left behind. I just don't feel happy anymore. It's hard to be the cheerful girl I was. Nowadays what I feel is just illness, loneliness, stress, and heartache.

Call me pathetic or call me weak. I'm ranting because I don't know who to trust anymore. I'm really desperate for a friend, not that I didn't have one, but someone who's actually there for me. And the one I can be there for. Just a life companion.

i dream about an idyllic day when it rains, and won't stop idling when the sun flaunts its rays. sometimes i'm just being that type of person who dreams too much, and does nothing. not that i didn't realize that all the time. i'm always mostly self-conscious. but still, every time i was going to actually realize my dreams, a new goal came, and fly high my old dreams, i'm surely going to focus on the new one.

maybe i'm whimsical, maybe i'm just lazy. or maybe, i found it hard to focus, and get bored easily. the point is, there's never a particular thing that i'm actually really apt in. it's all in a frustrating cycle of being above mediocre, but never superb.

sometimes i wonder, is it just me being a jack of all trades? or is it because of my half-hearted efforts?

as a positive thinker, i decided that it's the latter. 

maybe, if i try harder, i actually can excel in one of those things. 

that's the thought that i have for like, years, but me in a hardworking mode? never happen. obviously. 

so now i'm just going to round down a few things, and actually start making a realistic goal. i realized that i want so many things at the same time. maybe what i need to do is just simple, choosing one or two things that i want the most, and focus in just them. the rest can follow after the two goals are realized.

of course, making a resolution is effortless, actually doing it is another thing. that's why clear objectives are needed, and to motivate myself, i'm going to give myself a self reward.

well, let's just hope that this is not just another dreamy post.


i don't know, i just like writing in my blog. it's confiding to a stranger, someone vague, mysterious, and completely silent, most importantly, nonjudgemental. so don't judge me if i like to pour pointless rants here. 

i know i haven't write in here for a long time. truth is, i miss writing in my blog. it feels great to spill things out for a little while. it's the main reason of why i blog, to write things. usually i add a few pics to keep my readers from getting bored. but well, since no one really reads my blog anymore, then i guess it's unnecessary.

my life has been going like a roller coaster, maybe a kiddie roller coaster, with less turbulence and turns. however, as i grow up, i can feel that my passion for life, for small things that bring happiness in me, are slowly gone. i think my mind is maturing. things that keep me elated are different now, but doesn't mean it lifts me away from this emptiness inside. 

now all i care about is what most adults or should i say, adolescent, take as business. my studies, grades, my plans for the uni, friends, social life, love *eyeroll*, even my career in the future. it's normal, i know you say. it's what it's supposed to be, that i must throw away all my childish dreams and start to think more realistically. i also thought that way. i am confident that i've chosen the right path, the right decision, and that my purpose of life is clear.

today i saw a movie, an inspiring one. it kinda reminds me of the thought i have just a few years before. something that have always been my dream. the movie tells me about a dream of a desperate man, but he finally made it anyway. his dreams came true, in an unexpected way of course. i know, typical. however, it made me see my whole life in a different perspective.

i reminisced about the beautiful life i led in the past. how things were much simpler and happiness is easy, heartwarming and all around me. i forgot how ethereal it is when the sun rises in the morning, sweeps its way among the leaves, and cheer us up with its golden glow. i forgot how happy my brother and i were when we're sneaking out of the house in bright, blue days, or playing a game behind our parents' back. little secrets. all the long lazy days, when it's pouring outside and our family stayed at home, then we spend it watching movies or in my case, reading thick, endless novels. making art and crafts, writing silly, dreamy novels, and painting. all the excitement, the anticipation for an eventful day. and most importantly, my innocence. my dreams, all nonsense but still, i was hoping that maybe one of it will come true. i used to dream all day. my days filled with hopes, filled with failed efforts, but still, there's no stopping me from making it come true.

now, it's gone, long forgotten. reality had struck in. i had to take business as my major in uni. i had to enter the top uni to make my parents proud. i need to build my social life. i must study hard. it's like the new me. my creative and dreamy side, which used to be the largest part of myself, is now gone. i even don't enjoy reading novels anymore. it's just me and lessons, with high ambition and pressure from my parents, from everyone around me.

i'm lost. i feel like there's nothing special about my life anymore. like there's just plain old me trying to lead a normal and respected life in this small town. i should be happy, but i can't, a part of me was gone.

then the movie taught me a few things. it's not too late to realize or start anything. it taught me simple joy, passion, happiness in life. that not your title, money or knowledge, or maybe a thousand friends to accompany you to your end. to live, you just need to dream, strive, and be surrounded by a few people you love. no glitzy life or important jobs will keep you content, people are always wanting more and more. material things, they're things to make you alive physically. people work to feed themselves and their family, to realize material things they want. do that ensure happiness? i don't know how everyone else thinks, as for me, i've now realized that what i want is simply a dream come true, and to laugh it off with my dear ones.

Yaaaay so last sunday was so fun, me joss kent and a couple of m3 kids went to sun to yeah, spent hours talking loudly and creating nuisance in cafes. Seriously, so many old people, especially grandmas were staring at us like this '>:|'

Especially me and kent. We were like, 'hey i'm telling you this secret!'
'what, what, say lah!'
'okay, don't tell anyone yah, my blablablabla...'

But we're talking sooo loudly. I swear i saw a lady who was eavesdropping us, or should i say, listening because she don't have a choice, stifle a supressed giggle when she heard our 'not-so-secret-anymore' secrets.

Anyways, we really had fun. I also met rangers there lol coincidence much?

I'm kinda annoyed because of some things. Why people have to underestimate each other? People can change, they really can. Stop judging them and give them a chance, for god's sake.

Moving on, since u guys haven't heard a lot from me, my life's been pretty good, great in fact :D maybe because i'm just starting to get close to this sweetest guy ever. *ignorethis* but now i'm feeling kinda useless because i'm not that active anymore? I mean, i seldom do anything creative now, unlike how i used to be. I'm afraid i'll turn out to be one of those creepy nerds at school who only cares about marks marks marks

And last, i have an announcement to make. I'm turning this boring, postless blog to a daily, 10 times more boring, and full of my rants and crappy stories of my life, journal! Yaaay! Duh

It's because now, i realized how talkative i am. *notashamedtoadmitthis* and some people in my life have been complaining about how i won't stop talking and i'm so 'kepo' and ugh, whatever. So i've found a solution to that. If i want to blurt out lots of unimportant things, i'll blog.

If u can't stand boring, everyday-life post and crappy phone pictures, i advise you to stop visiting this blog.

There. I've nothing more to say. So scroll down! Pictures!


Please tolerate mine and kent's ugly faces. No offense kent :p

Aaaand i'm so excited that i finally bought the red album! :D doing my silly, jelly arms dance right now. And ah , lots of great songs but still, red's my favourite. It reminds me of someone.

Okaay, ending this post.

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower - Hans Christian Andersen

a little flower and sunshine to brighten up your day. :D 

Sunshine is a welcome thing. It brings a lot of brightness - Jimmie Davis

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead - Louisa May Alcott

weeks weeks

school has officially started. and it's been a week since my first day, which is not bad. i met new people and made friends with some of them. however, it's really really hectic and i haven't even start my tuitions yet. D: another problem, i'm missing my holiday already! especially the last two days of it.  it's raining on last sat night, and this night too, coincidence much? well, all of you people who read my blog know i love rain. it's usually a good sign, for me. it just make me feel like lazing in bed wrapped in my soft, thick blanket with random shows on tv. aaah, heaven.


now, scroll scroll scroll! random pictures coming...

comfort food + rain =best feeling in the world

my brother, cute not? <3 anw, he's not usually this dark-skinned, it's the effect of flash.

yeah, speaking of which, not wanting to waste the last sunday in my holiday, bro and i have a photoshoot again last week. or should i say, kind of role play-ish shoot? muahaha. well for more pictures visit this place

and lastlyyyy, my family just moved to our new home few days ago! woooot! not all parts done btw, but ah, most important is, my room is the place i want to be for the next days of my life.

here's a little sneak peek. just a peek. come come, let me show you.

taadaaaaa! :D

well, i bet you'll see the rest of it reaaaal soon, cuz tons of photoshoots in my room are coming to my other blog! make sure to check often.

that's it guys! gonna go do my piling homeworks. yeah right? school just started but i'm already stressed out about this and that. *sigh* ikr! teachers really don't get us sometimes. 

okay, buhbye :D

young at heart

so today's event retrieved my long lost childhood memories. the one with sleepovers with my cousins and doing all the silly games and stuffs. telling childish ghost stories, playing camping, gossiping, and building our own ghost shack. because todaaay, *drumrolls* cousins staying at my place wooot! well, it totally make me recall the past sleepovers we had like 5 years past or so, and this one's basically the same minus the games and sleeping in the same bed cause we're too old for that. hehe.


we had a really awful, in a great way, pajamas party. which is downright embarrassing, but what crazy fun things didn't involve crazy stupid name-wrecking embarrassing things? aaaannnndddd we also took pictures. with self timer, hell yeah! and planned to make a video but, well, bailed.

haaaah even greater things awaits tomorrow! can't wait to do a lil somethin somethin with my sis Z. G'nite!