i dream about an idyllic day when it rains, and won't stop idling when the sun flaunts its rays. sometimes i'm just being that type of person who dreams too much, and does nothing. not that i didn't realize that all the time. i'm always mostly self-conscious. but still, every time i was going to actually realize my dreams, a new goal came, and fly high my old dreams, i'm surely going to focus on the new one.

maybe i'm whimsical, maybe i'm just lazy. or maybe, i found it hard to focus, and get bored easily. the point is, there's never a particular thing that i'm actually really apt in. it's all in a frustrating cycle of being above mediocre, but never superb.

sometimes i wonder, is it just me being a jack of all trades? or is it because of my half-hearted efforts?

as a positive thinker, i decided that it's the latter. 

maybe, if i try harder, i actually can excel in one of those things. 

that's the thought that i have for like, years, but me in a hardworking mode? never happen. obviously. 

so now i'm just going to round down a few things, and actually start making a realistic goal. i realized that i want so many things at the same time. maybe what i need to do is just simple, choosing one or two things that i want the most, and focus in just them. the rest can follow after the two goals are realized.

of course, making a resolution is effortless, actually doing it is another thing. that's why clear objectives are needed, and to motivate myself, i'm going to give myself a self reward.

well, let's just hope that this is not just another dreamy post.


i don't know, i just like writing in my blog. it's confiding to a stranger, someone vague, mysterious, and completely silent, most importantly, nonjudgemental. so don't judge me if i like to pour pointless rants here.