i know i haven't write in here for a long time. truth is, i miss writing in my blog. it feels great to spill things out for a little while. it's the main reason of why i blog, to write things. usually i add a few pics to keep my readers from getting bored. but well, since no one really reads my blog anymore, then i guess it's unnecessary.

my life has been going like a roller coaster, maybe a kiddie roller coaster, with less turbulence and turns. however, as i grow up, i can feel that my passion for life, for small things that bring happiness in me, are slowly gone. i think my mind is maturing. things that keep me elated are different now, but doesn't mean it lifts me away from this emptiness inside. 

now all i care about is what most adults or should i say, adolescent, take as business. my studies, grades, my plans for the uni, friends, social life, love *eyeroll*, even my career in the future. it's normal, i know you say. it's what it's supposed to be, that i must throw away all my childish dreams and start to think more realistically. i also thought that way. i am confident that i've chosen the right path, the right decision, and that my purpose of life is clear.

today i saw a movie, an inspiring one. it kinda reminds me of the thought i have just a few years before. something that have always been my dream. the movie tells me about a dream of a desperate man, but he finally made it anyway. his dreams came true, in an unexpected way of course. i know, typical. however, it made me see my whole life in a different perspective.

i reminisced about the beautiful life i led in the past. how things were much simpler and happiness is easy, heartwarming and all around me. i forgot how ethereal it is when the sun rises in the morning, sweeps its way among the leaves, and cheer us up with its golden glow. i forgot how happy my brother and i were when we're sneaking out of the house in bright, blue days, or playing a game behind our parents' back. little secrets. all the long lazy days, when it's pouring outside and our family stayed at home, then we spend it watching movies or in my case, reading thick, endless novels. making art and crafts, writing silly, dreamy novels, and painting. all the excitement, the anticipation for an eventful day. and most importantly, my innocence. my dreams, all nonsense but still, i was hoping that maybe one of it will come true. i used to dream all day. my days filled with hopes, filled with failed efforts, but still, there's no stopping me from making it come true.

now, it's gone, long forgotten. reality had struck in. i had to take business as my major in uni. i had to enter the top uni to make my parents proud. i need to build my social life. i must study hard. it's like the new me. my creative and dreamy side, which used to be the largest part of myself, is now gone. i even don't enjoy reading novels anymore. it's just me and lessons, with high ambition and pressure from my parents, from everyone around me.

i'm lost. i feel like there's nothing special about my life anymore. like there's just plain old me trying to lead a normal and respected life in this small town. i should be happy, but i can't, a part of me was gone.

then the movie taught me a few things. it's not too late to realize or start anything. it taught me simple joy, passion, happiness in life. that not your title, money or knowledge, or maybe a thousand friends to accompany you to your end. to live, you just need to dream, strive, and be surrounded by a few people you love. no glitzy life or important jobs will keep you content, people are always wanting more and more. material things, they're things to make you alive physically. people work to feed themselves and their family, to realize material things they want. do that ensure happiness? i don't know how everyone else thinks, as for me, i've now realized that what i want is simply a dream come true, and to laugh it off with my dear ones.